The Journey Begins

“Whether or not you are at the beginning, going through it, or recovering after infertility treatments, trust that owning your story is the way through it and back to you”
This is our story, our beginning.

March 2018

Not really sure where to begin. This is my first ever blog.  I have been through a lot in my life, and I am a person that does not like to keep things in. I express my emotions. I let them out. Everybody is different. Everybody’s Journey is different. I came here mostly for a vent to express all my feelings, to not boil them up inside. I started reading infertility stories and blogs, and realized a few things. Some helped, some made me cry more, but it didn’t make me feel so alone. Me and my husband are the unlucky 15% of couples that struggle with infertility. So this is our quest and journey to parenthood.

Today I had my appointment at my OBGYN and my lifelong fear on infertility became a fact when the doctor slid me the brochures for IVF clinics. We have only been trying together as a couple for 7months, and yes this is early compared to most couples I realize this. But I have known from day 1 this would be a challenge. I just felt it in my gut, I knew something was wrong, and we would need additional help. Rather than waiting 1-2+ years like other couples, I seeked help sooner rather than later. A little background on us- I have had heavy, irregular periods all my life. I originally went on the pill due to my periods. The doctors had warned me at that time that my periods may be an issue in the future with fertility “we will cross that bridge when we get there” My mom had infertility struggles as well.  I have been estranged from my mother for many years, and have always longed to become a mom. I always wanted to give a child that love that I always craved and seeked for. I could be a great mom, I know I have so much love to give. Flash forward to my time off the pill, I had some concerning symptoms. Tried the IUD, no such luck; my symptoms persisted (pain with intercourse, heavy irregular >35 day cycles, and continuous negative pregnancy tests despite tracking my cycle and fertile window and ovulation kits). My husband has a history of infertility with a previous partner (>1yr of trying with not conceiving- which is the standard for a diagnosis), and he was sent to Urology to determine if he is a factor. He got some results that made natural conceiving more challenging. So with all of that, here we are today. My doctor felt we had enough to get referred to IVF and we didnt need to wait 12months, and I got slid those pamphlets which sunk deep into my heart.

I mean I knew this day was coming, I could feel it; I had a deep feeling in my gut, that knew we would need additional help.  But still; its hard to have your fear become a reality. I managed to hold it together while at the doctors, it took everything inside of me, I made my follow up, and then went out to my car and balled my eyes out. I felt like less of a women, I couldn’t provide a family for me and my husband. Why couldn’t this come natural to me like so many other women. I see women out there that don’t want children or are pissed that they are pregnant. I hear so many women complain about there pregnancy. I understand it’s not always great being pregnant, but it is a gift, it is a living growing miracle inside of you that not every female is capable of having. I know I am not alone, and that helps. Don’t get me wrong, I have many close friends around me with young children, and I genuinely am happy for them, and love their children dearly. I am in no way jealous of them, just with every pregnancy announcement is devastating. Not because I am not happy for them, but because I am sad for us. I see that look on my husband’s face that boyish grin when he thinks we may be pregnant, and he sees that one line of the stick, or the doctor comes out and says “you’re not pregnant”– I see that boyish grin disappear. It breaks my heart every time.

There is a large part of me that is ANGRY. Why me, why us? D would be such a caring, compassionate Daddy. He has so much love to give. In his past relationship they had tried, and when that relationship ended, he came to terms with “always being an uncle. I came to terms with I may not find a partner to share a life and family with.” He was ecstatic when we met and fell in love so quickly, his chance of being a dad was so close. Another part of me is SAD. For what if our day to biologically have our own children will never come. We are actually both on board with adoption. Prior to our infertility journey, we were pretty open early on, for it was something we both wanted. My husbands best friend growing up is adopted, and I have always had a special place for children in the system, and wanting to love them all. I think it comes back to my challenging relationship with my mother. While I did have a good upbringing when I was young, I know the feeling of being unwanted and unloved by a parent. Therefore I would love to show a child that blood doesn’t always make a family. We will adopt, we will be parents, but we both do long for our biological children, not that our adopted children would be any less of our children. I just selfishly want to have that special bond with my husband. I want to give him babies. I want to see that ‘so in love, boyish grin’ on his face the day our miracle baby comes into the world.  Another part of me is FEARFUL this will be the thing that breaks us. Infertility has been known to destroy relationships, it can be very waying on a couple. I know how badly we both want this, and we will conquer this together just like we always do. “Going through years-long infertility struggles is not for the faint of heart. It can either make or break your marital relationship. Make the determined commitment that no matter what happens, you and your husband were…and are a couple first.” The other part of me feels HOPEFUL and STRONG. Hopeful. We are in the best area in the country for infertility. I’m hopeful we will find the perfect doctor for us who will help us along this emotional rollercoaster that is infertility. We will be victorious, and we will get our miracle with 10 little fingers and 10 little toes. Strong. I have conquered many things in my life; the good, the bad, and the painfully ugly. It has made me the woman I am today. I have battled 2 parents with mental illness and addiction. I graduated from nursing school (first in my family to go to college- couch surfed for a portion of it; left everything and everybody I knew to move across the country to start my own journey- met my husband and moved back to where I came from to be closer to a network for us, a support system for raising children. If it weren’t for my incredible friends along the way, I may not have made it to where I am today.  Most of my life has been a battle. The only thing that came easy to me was from the moment I met my husband I knew he was my forever. He is my soulmate, we will make it through this journey. I will remain strong and get through another battle in my life. I came out of all my battles as a warrior. This is my next battle. This will not defeat me– or us. I will be open about it and continue to talk to others. Allow women, and men, to express their feelings. The world is so hush hush about fetus/infant loss and the struggles of infertility. We are not alone. You don’t realize how many people struggle until you talk and open up. This is our journey– our baby battle. Our quest for our miracle of 10 little fingers and 10 little toes and an adorable “Dr.Jones” nose.

Let it begin…

 

Late and out of order, but our 12 week announcement post <3

October 2019
“Throughout all the moments of doubt.
Seasons of despair. Tears and prayers.
After every needle. Every NO.
After every high and every low.
You, my darling.
Are without a doubt worth the wait.”
 
Our Sweet Baby debut May 2020.
 
Dear sweet babe,
Me and daddy have been waiting for you for what felt like forever; 723 days we wished we prayed we thought about what your future may look like. 20 months of hormones where somedays I literally thought I had gone crazy, I’m sure daddy thought so too. I’m sure he has some moments engraved in his memory. Through surgeries and devastation and such painful heartache we found light and hope in thinking of you and your future. We had many dark days, some days it was hard to get out of bed and carry on with normal life. 7 cycles of fertility treatment with needles and appointments and painful lab draws and countless insurance phone calls and countless tears, countless fears. Two things I know without a doubt is your daddy has been my rock and saving grace thru all of this and we never gave up on the hope and future of you. Seeing you move all around in my belly so active so early has been the best sight my eyes have seen thus far in my 31 years of life. Daddy talks to you thru mommas belly everyday (even though you cant technically hear him yet). We cannot wait to hold you and sing to you and tell you how loved you are and how wanted you are. I cannot wait to hear your sweet cry and touch your baby soft skin and smell that sweet new baby smell. I cannot wait to love you in every way. You have taught me throughout these two years how to be even stronger than I knew I could be. You taught me thru this road how to be a better stronger momma for you. We cannot wait to meet you tiny love with your 10 little fingers 10 little toes and an adorable “Dr. Jones nose.”
 
Love momma and daddy
 
To all the infertility warriors out there. I hear you. I am you. My husband is you. We are both open books and are available for anybody to talk who went thru, is going thru or is fearful they will be going thru infertility. 1 in 8. You are not alone there is so much support for you out there. Even if I’m your support I will hold your hand thru it. I pray you find your rainbow at the end of your storm!

25 weeks and finally *viable!

January 2020♥

Its absolutely crazy to me to be sitting here with my big ol baby bump and a growing boy inside me, still so surreal. I am 6 months pregnant, what?! 

I haven’t written much, and honestly its just been so busy around this neck of woods. My plan had been to document this journey thru every week, but life gets crazy, we all know that. So we last left off at 4months and my extreme nausea….

Welp that continued all the way thru 22 weeks, me and Zofran had become the best of friends. Week 22-23 I thought ah last, this is what your suppose to be feeling in the 2nd trimester, I finally felt well…. then I collapsed at work.
The scariest day of my life. I was 22weeks 6 days along, just towards the last hour of my long 12 hour overnight shift. It was 6am, and something just didnt feel right. I have fainted before, and I usually get the same aura; black spots, lightheaded, dizzy. This was not like that. I was nauseous- ok i thought, and popped a Zofran. I had just had a snack and nutella an hr prior – so my thoughts it wasnt food or sugar related *my blood sugar runs low at baseline. I had been keeping up with my fluids all night, gatorade, water etc. But this was not ok. I was having this out of body experience. I couldn’t explain, all I knew is I didnt feel right, and something was wrong. It all happened so fast, I was on the ground before my sublingual zofran had desolved. I saw a friend walking by with a patient, I was sitting on the chair and simple said, something doesnt feel right. I then got up (in thoughts of laying down on a patients couch in there room) – i knew I needed somewhere to lay, and the hospital floor just wasnt a feasible option. Welp not even 2 steps from the chair I said to another nurse,  I dont feel good, something is wrong. And as quick as I said it, she said my eyes rolled behind my head and I went down like a stiff board. I fell backwards (thank god), and was told I hit my head so hard you could hear it on the other side of the unit. Everyone rushed over, I was unconscious for close to 30sec-1min. I came too, confused, thinking I was on the couch I was walking to. Everything HURT. My head was pounding, my stomach was KILLING me, bilateral lower quadrant pain. They put me in a c-collar and backboard and down to the ER I went. Still tasting the not dissolved Zofran on my tongue, I was so incredibly nauseous, and all I could think was *oh dear god, I am only 22 weeks along, please let this baby be ok. Ironically this previous night had been the 1st night I had felt him fully move often, and for the next hour I didnt feel him move at all–not helping the situation.
Long Story short, It was 12 hours in the ER getting evaluated, followed by 2 hours in the birthing unit, my blood pressure was in the 70’s, my Potassium/Sodium/Magnesium were all quite low. I had a flare up of my autoimmune disease, which it hadn’t been 5 or 6 years since I fainted, I guess pregnancy will do that. They did a doppler on the baby, followed by a full abdomen ultrasound to make sure I wasn’t bleeding in any way- and the ultrasound tech immediately started laughing when she put the probe on my belly, “its like a circus in your belly right now, look at that baby move all around”- she was amazed at how active he was. I literally started crying of joy. I was then told they were going to do a nonstress test to ensure I wasn’t in preterm labor as I was still having excruciating abdomen pain. I then got told by 2 different people, “well we don’t usually do them this early because well hes not viable.” I wanted to scream. I was thinking, I am not an idiot, please don’t talk to me like I am- you don’t think I know how far along I am, you think I don’t know if god forbid I was in labor I knew he wouldn’t survive birth- I don’t need you to tell me he is not viable, I know 25 weeks is considered viable. It was just really hard to hear in that moment. The lady comes down calculates my due date, and realized I was 22 weeks and  6 days along, and they realize how foolish it was to differentiate over 1 day, so alast they sent me to the birthing unit, and did a nonstress test. I was told it would be for 2 hours, and if I even showed 1 contraction or even a blip on the monitor, they were going to keep me for 24 hours. Luckily everything came back normal, and I was finally released after being awake for almost 48 hours, and was purely exosted both physically, emotionally and mentally. My whole body ached and there was nothing I could take except Tylenol, but honestly none of that mattered, as long as I knew little Lincoln was ok, and still snug as a bug in momma’s belly. I was literally in tears multiple times, thinking about our journey and road, and thinking it couldn’t end like this, I can’t lose him. I was never so terrified in my life. 

*While this pregnancy has been far from easy for me, I couldn’t be any more grateful and appreciative to be in this position that I fought for, for what felt like eternity. Life is honestly way to short, and life has proved that over and over again. That same awful night I had found out a very close friend of mine had passed away from an undiagnosed cardiac disorder at the age of 32. She was such a full spirited amazing woman, one of my favorites for sure. Also just this morning I heard one of my friends had to lay her sweet baby girl to rest after only 1 month of life. My heart aches for both these families, and sometimes it makes you seriously question life and its unfairness with pain and suffering for so many people that don’t deserve it. So today, I am going to hold my doggies, and rub my belly and look to our future, and be so very thankful for the goodness we have upon us. 

We continue on this road to our sweet bundle of joy, this is our journey to you Lincoln Joseph with 10 little fingers 10 little toes, and we will see who’s nose, “Dr. Jones” nose vs my husbands’ cute Jewish nose ♥

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This is me at 23 weeks, 2 days after I collapsed. 

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Our 21 week scan, I dunno that nose looks like my cute little button nose ie. “Dr Jones” nose ❤ we shall see…. 

17 weeks and a growing baby boy 💙

December 2019

It’s been a while since I’ve written!! Words cannot explain the whirlwind I’ve been thru the last few months. Finding out we were pregnant was the most joyous feeling I had thus far. I was so nervous and fearful it wouldn’t last and we would lose him and be devastated, but we didn’t. I had that 8 week scan, and they found that sweet heartbeat and I got released from my infertility clinic, most surreal feeling ever. Still couldnt really believe it. We had a growing baby in my belly. Flash forward another 4 weeks had my 12 week scan ay my OB clinic, and this by far was the best sight my eyes have seen in my 31 yrs of life. That baby would not sit still for 1 second. Bouncing all around like its own personal jungle gym. The ultrasound tech joked “this is a VERY ACTIVE 12 wk old.” I joked is this why I feel so awful haha. While I am so beyond thankful and happy to start this new journey I have felt very nauseous since I was 5 weeks along. I’m 17 weeks now and it hasn’t let up, I have hyperemesis gravida and debilitating nausea. I had to get prescribed zofran and it allows me to be able to function. Finally starting to get some of my energy back, so this allows me to finally sit down and write how this new journey has been. Everyday while I feel sick to my stomach I smile for I know that means I have a growing little gent in there. That’s right a little gent.

Funny story. When asked what we wanted honestly I just want a healthy child. But if I HAD TO CHOSE I wanted a boy first (to look after and protect his little sister) in a perfect world, like you have any say in the matter. When I was 6 weeks I had a dream. A friend had said she was “waiting for Link.” I immediately woke up and said awww a boy. Side note we had picked out Lincoln for a boy name. The nausea started and got worse and debilitating I joked I feel so awful this has got to be a girl. I kept hearing you have worse morning sickness with girls.. welp there’s a reason these are myths. My girlfriend was planning a gender reveal for us- she had asked how to spell the names (Johana and Lincoln) my husband picked up on “everyone knows how to spell Lincoln cmon we are obviously having a girl then cause she didn’t know how to spell it ” made me think girl even more. When I tell you… we were 99.9 %sure we were having a girl..

Welp our reveal was the other night around some of our friends and family and we opened our build a bears (bruins bear for me and rangers bear for my husband) with the outfit we had picked for each gender. To say I was shocked when our bears were wearing the boy outfits was an understatement. So happy but literally in a state of shock. I for sure thought I knew what we were having!! I should have trusted my dream!

Life is funny sometimes on how things work out. During our two week wait of our 1st IUI cycle we wanted to take our mind off things and we went to loon mountain for a weekend getaway. We went on a hike and were thinking what if we were pregnant how wonderful would that be, and we started thinking of names. We were in Lincoln, NH and thought how perfect would that have been, the name stuck and we loved it. We continued with our battle to get pregnant. We started house hunting and found our home that we just adored. Que the irony again. I hadn’t noticed the street name, my husband says “it’s on Lincoln st.” You walked up to the house and there was a pineapple on the door. I also noticed maybe 4 other pineapples throughout the house, making me wonder. We put an offer in and I chose to share our infertility story to the owners wondering if they had the same fate. She cried and informed me we were perfect for the house and she had all 3 of her children thru IVF. Couldn’t have felt more right. Then just 1 day after we closed on our house and moved in I peed on a stick and for the first time it said “pregnant.” 1 day after we close on our house on Lincoln st. We wound up pregnant with our baby boy Lincoln Joseph!!! We are so eager to meet him, and I cannot wait to see that sweet childish ear to ear grin on my husband when he sees his son’s face for the the first time with his 10 little fingers 10 little nose and maybe my husband’s Jewish nose? 💙

This is our journey to you baby boy 💙

The one with the two betas, 5 weeks <3

September 2019

Our sweet little emby is stuck where it belongs, and hopefully is all snug in place and growing as we speak. I got my two betas 271; 877. Both numbers they wanted to see, thank you lord baby Jesus. Today I am 5 weeks and 2 days along, While I have felt rough the last 2 weeks (extreme dizziness, exhaustion, my boobs feel like they arent even mine- they hurt so bad) my symptoms have kinda let off the last few days. While I am thankful I dont feel crummy at the moment- these symptoms made me happy. Strange you say. While these symptoms made me feel crappy they made me happy they made me realize I have a growing embryo in my belly. I am extremely excited, and I try to not think of the what if– I am fearful this perfect little embryo wont grow past an embryo stage. My husband talks to it every night, “hey emby” its very sweet and heartwarming, he often asks if he can have a private conversation without me – I got stuff to say. I explain nope pretty sure emby is attached to me, hes cute. We are just on cloud nine, I hope we stay there. This road has been so rough and challenging, Im just so used to the other shoe dropping. My ultrasound is Sept 27- just shy of 8 weeks along. My in-laws will be in town which will be wonderful. They are also equally excited. While I know they will be ecstatic to come to the ultrasound to hear the heartbeat, I have been nervous for how would it be if we didnt hear the heartbeat. Would I get that shoulder to cry on I would so desperately need. Luckily hubs just told me he has that day off!!! I literally cried when he told me, I didnt think he was going to be able to go to the ultrasound, music to my ears. So this is basically a whole new meaning to two week wait, this is going to be a loooooong 2 weeks, I just continue to pray for our miracle baby, and enjoy this time in our lives ❤

This is our journey to you with 10 little fingers 10 little toes and an adorable “Dr. Jones” nose. I hope you stay in there nice and snug like a bug. 

Those earth moving, body shaking two pink lines!!

September 2019

Exactly 721 days of trying to conceive, 1 week shy of 2 years, I peed on a stick, and it said YES! I wasn’t sure this word existed on these sticks, I rechecked the next day, and saw the darkest second pink line if I had ever seen one!! I’ve been in a state of shock, honestly. Crying, and wondering if I’m dreaming. Wondering if I should be pinched and brought back down to reality. Did our perfect little emby baby really stick?! Are we really pregnant?! Am I gonna be a Momma? Is D gonna be a Daddy? We are so beyond excited! Words cannot explain our joy! It has been what felt like the longest and most painful road to get here. 

While we know, so much can happen, we are far from in the clear. I have my technical “beta” results today (waiting for the phone call)- hoping and praying my HCG is >100. Then we have a second beta, and then that 7-8 wk ultrasound to hear the heart beat, and then of course its praying we have a healthy and lengthy pregnancy. While so many women in my shoes who have had such a tough road have a hard time enjoying these moments– they look to the next step, of what can go wrong. I am choosing to enjoy every little moment we have. While we haven’t technically heard the doctor or nurses say “you’re pregnant” — I am hopeful that they will, today- hopeful the VERY DARK second line on my home pregnancy test is ensuring me my HCG is  a great level. I am quite aware things can go wrong, and this baby may not take, but I am choosing not to stress, and to enjoy this time, and this miracle we were presented. D has been talking to my belly “one on one while I’ve been sleeping” I’ve been having conversations with him or her mainly introducing myself, and telling them to stay put in there. I am hoping our time has finally come! Our road to parenthood is here! 

I pray my HCG results are good, and this is our healthy emby in my belly that stays put over the next 33+wks (I would be considered 5wks) 

This is our journey to you our little emby baby with hopefully 10 little fingers 10 little toes and an adorable “Dr. Jones” nose. 

Perfect little emby baby! IVF #1

August 2019

Alast 2 years after trying to conceive, here we are! All the tests all the procedures, all the doctors appointments, all the waiting, all the yelling phone calls to the insurance company has finally led us here. The start of IVF. I consider myself to have a rather strong intuition and gut. I knew in my gut that we would not be able to get pregnant with IUI from the beginning. I had my false hopes along the way, but I had a gut feeling that it merely wouldnt happen. I always had stronger hopes and feelings with IVF. Welp here we are. 

Got to the docs for my procedure. Accupunture before and after, best naps EVER. I passed out HARD. So needless to say, no pun intended, I was quite relaxed. Funny story- you need a full bladder for Implantation, and I thought my procedure was 15 minutes earlier than what it was. So I started drinking water 15 min too early, and by clock strike 1030 am my bladder was FULL. Welp now i had to wait and wait and wait for 15 minutes. I thought my bladder was gonna burst!! I was doing laps around the waiting room HAHA. Then the lady calls me in FINALLY!! Wants to talk about stuff before she brings me back. The mental health portion, the waiting game, what to expect. Im like lady my bladder is gonna burst and this is my 7th cycle, yes 1st IVF, but Ive done 6 IUIs. This isnt my first rodeo, Im well aware of the waiting game. LETS GO! The doc comes in, we need to check your bladder to see if its full, Im like its gonna take everything in me not to pee on you when you insert probes into me, and she laughed— ok I guess your full. God love them all, they were trying to talk me thru it, and see you can see here. Im like yup nope, all I am focusing on is not peeing on you! She laughed again, “I appreciate that.” Im like this is a good distraction you give us!! Make us have a full bladder so we arent stressed and anxious about whats happening!

So She tells us– The little embryo was of “AA grade” which is the highest quality/grade you can have on an embryo– these have the highest pregnancy rates!! Stick baby stick! I immediately am ecstatic. She was able to immediately freeze 2 other embys for future (and we still had 3 that were being fashionably late as I like to say and havent “blasted” yet) Got the call yesterday (4/5 of our leftover embryos made it to the ice age) yayyyyy!!! so out of the mere 7 eggs I got 5 of them turned into quality Embryos!! Thats 5 babymaking chances!!! I mean Ideally we will only need 2 (for 2 babies). I just hope and pray this perfect lil emby baby is a sticky one!! I loaded up on all the pineapple I could get my hands on! Not sure if it actually works, but thats what people say! If you told me standing upside down for 4 days straight would work I would try it. So here we are 48 hours post! The emby baby has either already implanted or it hasnt! I was told it would implant within 36 hours. Luckily I only have to wait 8 more days to find out!! 

Im gonna take this time to relax and allow my body whatever it may need. Keep working on our house and preparing for our little puppy loves to get here! Hopefully we close on our house this upcoming Friday! Then we get my inlaws puppy, Winston, on Saturday!! And we find out if our emby baby stuck on Tuesday! What a week! Im as hopeful as Ive ever been. 

This is our journey to you, our little emby baby, we hope you have 10 little fingers 10 little toes and an adorable Dr. Jones nose. We continue to wait for you, our little miracle baby. ❤

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Emby babys and puppies on puppies!! <3

August 2019
I sit here the day after my egg retrieval with a heating pad on my belly with excitement for the hopes of the future. Got the call for fertilization, out of the 7 eggs they retrieved, we have SIX embryos! With only 7 eggs retrieved, I thought I would get maybe 1-3; we got SIX. So ecstatic! That’s 6 chances at our future baby bird ❤
IVF is no joke. The shots, the hormones, the doctors appointments. At one point I was taking 4 shots a day! I had 6 ultrasounds mostly daily or 2 days apart! I practically live at the docs. My belly is so bruised, so swollen, so bloated. While my body has been thru war, it gives me hope. It makes me think how I will handle pregnancy. This pain is just letting me know I am alive, and I still have hope. I can still try! We have 6 chances!
Day 1 on hormones of course happened to be my first day at my new job in ICU. Hormones are taken between 5-10pm, welp I work nightshift– 7pm. So that means I took injectable hormones for first time ever and then went right to work! Welp lemme tell you how well that went. With a nurse who doesnt know me from a whole in the wall– within 10minutes of being at work I felt shaky, like my hands were visibly shaking. I got clammy and sticky, and I imagine the color of a sheet. Meanwhile we have this guy that needs stat bloodwork and needs to get down to CT. Taking someone to a test from the ICU is a PROJECT. Welp get downstairs to CT and I literally thought I was gonna faint, Im like omg I cannot let this nurse thing Im a fruitcake. I was nervous she would think I wasnt a good worker, or just think I get anxious/overwhelmed too easy. You cant be like that and be an ICU nurse. So I got upstairs and literally chugged like 2 liters of water. I was so close to fainting. Then another nurse came over who knows me well and asked about IVF and where I was at. I explained I just started meds prior to coming in, and I thought I was going to pass out. My preceptor overheard and felt awful–why didnt you tell me? So we were fine after that. But oh man, I was like it this is what this month is gonna be like I’m screwed–brand new job. Luckily that was only night 1. The rest of the days were fine, I mean my belly visibly grew out due to being swollen, very tender, couldnt touch my stomach. Anytime hubs hugged me, id say GENTLE. As my friend said I had a full “orange grove” in my belly haha. She went thru IVF many years ago, I love she puts a funny light on everything for me –it helps. We call “future babies” little duckies. And when I would again get a negative pregnancy test, she simply goes “tardy little duckies.” Simple, sweet, all that needs to be said. She gets it.
I thank god for my support around me and all the positive things in my life I have. We hopefully close on our house this week! In other news, we are getting a puppy, well 2 kinda. My mother and father in law are getting a new puppy (old english sheepdog), Winston, he will be 8 weeks old. They live in WA state and Winston is in VT (we live in MA). You aparantly cannot fly with a new puppy until its 10 weeks, so we will be puppy sitting for them for about 3-4 weeks 🙂 Then about a week or so after they leave we get our puppy, Remy, an 8 weeks old Goldendoodle. CANNOT WAIT!!! Remy is only 2 weeks old, so I dont have photos yet! Stay Tuned, puppies coming at you!
Implantation is Saturday (emby baby will be 5 days old)

We hope and pray for you, our emby baby. We hope you stick. We hope you have 10 little fingers 10 little toes and an adorable “Dr. Jones” nose. I hope you have that adorable ear to ear grin your daddy has. He hopes you have your momma’s red hair and nose. I hope you have our hearts and love for people. I hope you have grace and poise and love in your heart. I hope you like doggies (cause we got 2 doggies who are going be very eager to meet you, we know we are! We love you so much already. Not sure when we will meet, but hopefully not too much longer little baby bird. -Love Momma.